I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
