I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
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I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
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He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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