he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
