pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
