How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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