Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's blow job season.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
