I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
