Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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