you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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