I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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