Need sex. Gaining weight.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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