using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
