The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
