have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
