Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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