Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
