The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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