seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
