you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize