I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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