I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
