You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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