I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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