Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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