Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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