I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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