I think im going to throw up on grandma
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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