bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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