i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
