Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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