Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you would pick up someone in the library
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
