Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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