So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
