I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
