Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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