I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
