No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
