2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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