It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
