just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
