Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
