O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
