I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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