I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
