I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
