The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
