Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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