you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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