You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
