Little spoons don't ask big questions
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
