Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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