Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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