Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
