All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
