We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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