His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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