Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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