yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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