capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
