You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
why didn't you poke me back
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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