I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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