When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
