the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
