Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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