Sry I called you an 8
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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