True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
